Category: Parent Talk
Hi
You all know me. If not I am ashley from Alabama/. I have two children Gabriel 7, Lucas 6. My 7 year ol knows I can't see and he helps me as much as he can. Never complains about helping either. He reads things to me, helps me with the laundry, and will do sighted guide from time to time if I need i. My 6 year old, Lucas, is not the same. I don't think he really understood it until lately that I have a prob with seeing. I over heard him tell his older brother the other day that "We can do it, because she can't see, remember". Gabriel was upset at this and he cameto me about it. I was upset as well so I sat him down and talked to him about it. Just wandering if any of you other parents ave had a prob like this? If so, does it last forever and what do I do to make sure it doesn'tkeep going on like this?
Did the older child explain to him that just because mom, (you), can't see, doesn't mean you aren't incapable of doing things? You're the authority figure. they mean wel, and it's sweet of them to assist, but really, you'll ask for help when you need it.
Reyami, I think she was asking blind parents about what to do if one of their children thinks to take advantage of the fact that the parent can't see them when they decide to do bad things like sneak a cookie before dinner, not do their homework and stuff that a blind parent can't see them doing if they are quiet about it.
I am kinda curious about that myself since i lost my sight and am not sure how comfortable i would feel to be a parent now.
from the way the original poster seems to praise her children for unnecessarily helping, I have to agree with reyami here.
No, she is saying her 7 year old helps her out and understands that she is blind. Her 6 year old is not like his older brother and instead of seeing that his mom has a vision problem and helping he is thinking of taking advantage of it. Her older son came and talked to her about it. That is what she is saying.
“My 7 year ol knows I can't see and he helps me as much as he can. Never complains about helping either. He reads things to me, helps me with the laundry, and will do sighted guide from time to time if I need i. My 6 year old, Lucas, is not the same. I don't think he really understood it until lately that I have a prob with seeing. I over heard him tell his older brother the other day that "We can do it, because she can't see, remember". Gabriel was upset at this and he cameto me about it. I was upset as well so I sat him down and talked to him about it.”
See?
I understood the post well enough. I was just wondering if the older child had the sense to point out to the younger one that it's not okay to take advantage of their mom and automatically do something without asking if she needed help. This seems to be a common thing most of us have to deal with when we are among sighted family members who mean well, even if we don't have children.
To the original poster, maybe you and your older son could sit down with his younger brother and explain the situation so he understands that your visual impairment doesn't mean you can't be an effective parent if Gabriel hasn't told Lucas this already in his own words.
So I wrote this long post and got logged out midway through and lost it all. I'll try again.
Ashley,
This is something that all parents go through, whether sighted or blind. Kids testing the boundaries.
Did you sit down with your younger son and talk to him about this. This is a good time to be able to teach right form wrong. Him wanting to go behind your back is deceitful and wrong. He needs to know that. There should be consequences for him doing so. To go behind your back is disrespectful and it's also a great time to be able to teach him respect as well.
I'll attempt to give examples here, since I don't know what it is that he wanted to do that you couldn't see. If you want to give specifics, then I'll try to offer solutions for that.
You don't have to be able to see to be an attentive parent. you have 4 other senses to put to work to make up for lack of sight. I may not always be able to see what my daughter is doing, but I can listen, feel with my hands, and even smell if something isn't a normal smell.
You have to make sure you are aware of your household and the goings on. For instance if your son is trying to sneak a cookie before dinner, you'd be able to tell by knowing how many cookies were in the package, you could hear the package making noise as he is getting it, things like that.
Being organized is also very important. Again for instance if your son isn't putting his dirty clothes where they belong, you'd be able to tell by having a specific place for the laundry basket, knowing how full it was, and what should be there. That way you'd know if he put them in there.
Another example is having a cabinet of special place for art supplies, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, the works. This way if he wants to use them, he has to get permission. Then you'll be able to make sure he is sitting at the table, that he cleans up when he's done, things like that.
Also, going behind your back means that you can't trust your son. Another thing he needs to understand. And if you can't trust him, he'll have to be treated like a little kid again by sticking by your side, being checked on every few minutes, things like that. He'd have to be honest to earn the trust back.
I hope something here helps. Like I said, I'm just giving examples that come to mind. I'm not saying this is what your son does.
That's a great post, Pipi, I must say. I don't have children, so I'm not going to try to give advice on how to raise them. Interesting board. Good luck, ashley.
These are all good points. Solomon is just about 2 and he knows something is different about mommy. He knows enough to go in to stealth mode if daddy is out of the room and there's something he thiks he can get to without me knowing about it. I almost always catch him before he destroys something and he has yet to hurt himself so I don't suck too bad at the mommy thing. He is a verry visual child though and will do thing with other people that he won't do with me. Does this happen with all blind parents? He's all face and eyes and responds when someone imitates his facial expressions. Because I've never had sight I can't do this and feeling his face would make him stop. Being organized definitely helps though. I hope you can help your son understand this was a wrong thing to do, have you ever caught him in the middle of trying to get away with something? Catching him at it and immediate consequences will cure this quickly. Good luck. Tiffany
Yes a good post. He's 6 and kids at all ages will try to get away with things. It doesn't matter if you can see them or not. As suggested your house must be in order so you control it. If you don't control it you will be taken advantage of even sometimes by the son that helps you. It is not a thing you'll want to use as comparing though. "he helps me and you do, so you're worthless." Love all the same and control what you can. The things you can't he'll hae to learn by proxy, or the world will teach. It is not because you don't see it is just because kids will try. Yes you not seeing helps him get away with more, but its not personal, so don't take it that way.